A lot of my posts have been negative recently because that’s how my life has been. However, not everything about my autism is doom and gloom. I have many quirks that I attribute to my autism. So here’s a post about one: equalising.
Equalising, as I describe it, is the need to feel equal sensation on both sides of my body to make me feel balanced. So something as simple as a handshake I find really difficult because only one hand makes contact and the heat from the other person’s hand I will feel for ages afterwards. With one hand hot and one cold I feel incomplete, like my body is not connected and it makes me anxious. Another example is if I hit my thigh on a chair not hard enough to hurt but when it feels like you’ve been dented. Again I will want the other thigh to feel the same thing so I will hit my leg just to elevate that obsessive feeling. Once I feel the same sensation I instantly feel right again. Back to normal.
I find that the acceptance of this quirk can be hit or miss meaning either people will respect it or think it’s crap. A lot of my work friends know that if you tap one knee, for example, that they will have to tap the other knee. Sometimes they try and have a laugh not wanting to, you know just joking around, but always comply. It’s become so regular to them that if they do tap a leg or arm or hand that they will almost straight away realise and correct themselves. Whereas for someone like my nan in her 80s this would never wash with her so I have to grin and bear when she grabs one of my knees, when we’re in the car to hold on with, her hand like a vice.
It may sound crazy but I define myself as an equaliser; one who has an obsessive need to feel equal. One of my lovely autistic quirks.
Thanks for reading. Hope you liked it. Peace out!