School’s out for summer

So working in education has its pros and cons. A big pro for most is the holiday time. I have 6 and a half weeks before I need to go back to work. I’m glad that I’ll be having a break. I really need it. I’m overtired and overworked. I have nothing to do but whatever I chose to do.

However, as much as I’m overjoyed at the break and glad to not be going to work I have some trepidation. As an autistic I require structure and order, this is not something that the holidays provide. They are full of impromptu meetings up, attempts at filling up the time and fear of loosing skills in socialising. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful I’m so blessed to have the holiday time I have but I can’t help this fear that I have.

6 and a half weeks is a long time. The main fear I have is that my instinct is to isolate myself. I’m afraid that I will be at home for the whole break (excluding the holiday I have abroad with family) doing nothing. Though I enjoy the act of doing nothing it is not healthy for me. When I isolate myself for too long I forget how to interact with people, I forget how to read their faces, I forget how to speak. Now some might say why don’t you just go out. This is easier said then done for an autistic. I find it extremely difficult to leave the house without a reason, in fact I would say I find it near impossible. I don’t know why maybe it’s my need for purposefulness. If I have a purpose for going out I can deal with the crowds better because my mind is on the goal of meeting a friend rather than the world around. However, if I just leave the house without a reason to do it I hear everything more, I see everything much sharper, the world around me is heighten and this is what I cannot cope with.

I have to find a way to spend my time, to keep my mind occupied. So my solution is that this summer I’m going to plan my next phase of my career. I’m going to spend this summer figuring out what my end goal career wise is and what I need to do to get there. I have to keep telling myself this because again another thing autistics find difficult is looking to the future and forward planning in life. I live too much in the moment and thinking about what I want to do in the future requires executive functioning that I don’t have a strength in.

So hopefully my summer will be productive. I’ll keep you updated and when the summer ends I hope when I go back to work I’ll remember a few things about socialising with human beings.

Thanks for reading. Hope you liked it. Peace out!

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