Yes by period I mean my menstrual cycle. When I am on my period I find that I am more autistic. Well I mean I am in less control of my autism. Now because autism is seen still as a mostly male condition, which we autistic women know is not true, I have never seen anyone talk about periods and autism (I mean people still find it hard to talk about periods in general) and just want to know if it just me who feels less in control of their autism while on their period.
When I am on my period I find I talk less, like the speech part of my brain shuts off. For example I woke up yesterday morning for work and knew I was not in the best of moods. I hadn’t slept well because of my damn uterus contracting like a b*tch! So I went into the staff room that morning and sat down not making eye contact, staring like a robot. My brain didn’t want to take in any unnecessary information. My line manager, who is very good about my autism, said to me “hello” while moving her head to try and get me to look at her. I said “hello” in a very monotone voice and flicked a glance at her. I didn’t have the energy. So in the staff room the chairs are in rows facing each other so it’s really hard for people to not notice you. So I’ve learned that if I want to disconnect from the world around me and let my brain have some time to think then I need to look like I’m doing something. So I decided to pick fluff from my gloves. I had my gloves precisely one on each knee mirroring each other and began just picking the fluff off them. Another one of my colleagues came and sat next to me she tried to engage me in conversation but my brain wasn’t having it. I could hear everything she was saying but even the thoughts in my brain weren’t responding. What I mean by that it after she said “she’s not going to speak to us until she’s finished that” our brains then usually say a reply sentence in our head. But my brain wasn’t even doing that, which is strange. It felt like the words and speech part of my brain were shut off. I’m usually a lot more in control of my autism at work because I work with children and need to be on my a-game but when I’m on my period it just doesn’t work like that.
Also I become more stimmy. Like I was asked a question about changing my phone because my nan needs a new one and I wash and wrist flapping and not able to cope. Now I’m not usually that hand flappy but I was on my period and that is something I’ve noticed. And I do sensory block outs way more. Now what I mean by that is that I need to block out my senses more often so I’ll place my arms over my eyes and sit in the foetal position in a child like way even though I’m just relaxing at home on the sofa not somewhere where I usually need to block out my senses.
Now I know the things I’ve mentioned could happen to all women but that’s the thing we as women don’t talk enough about our periods and how they effect us besides the typical; we become more moody, we are uncomfortable, things like that. But for me with my autism on top it is all heightened and I find it hard to do the day to day; to deal with the day to day. I can’t explain it very well it just feels weird that when I am on my period I have less control over how autism effects my brain. I like being in control and so this unsettles me. It’d be interesting to know why. Is it the hormones? Is it just because I’m experiencing a change from the norm? I don’t know. I just have to put up with it. But really I was just wondering if this was just me or others understood this?
Thanks for reading. Hope you liked it. Peace out!